Manage Your Anxiety

November 9, 2026

MJ Hanley-Goff, Author

Tom O'Connor, Publisher

KEY POINTS

MJ Hanley-Goff shares the everyday practices she returned to over years of living with anxiety.

Journaling, crosswords, and calming imagery helped her redirect her attention in stressful settings.

She describes a sensory exercise: notice three things you see and three sounds you hear.

She recalls drawing confidence from a solo cruise when she faced later moments of anxiety.

My first anxiety episode appeared when I was in my early 20s. I never figured out what brought it on and have let go of any need to understand why. It became as much a part of me as eating and sleeping.  

I'm not a doctor or therapist and can't provide psychological counseling. I can't say whether someone should go on anti-anxiety meds or start any other regimen. I can only speak to how I managed over the years, especially in the late 1970s – 1980s, when the word "anxiety" was not something typically discussed; there were no books on it, no internet to search, and if it was mentioned, it carried a stigma not many wanted to carry. 

So, what did I do?

I wrote and wrote in a journal, the spiral kind or the black-and-white marble schoolbook version, because they were cheap enough to buy in bulk; I created my own calm breathing techniques and mantras. I knew to carry a crossword book on the subway so that if we got stuck between stations, I could distract my mind from panicky thoughts by coming up with a five-letter word that started with a "c." Distraction was key, as were journaling and self-calming activities. 

Fast forward to the 2000s and beyond, when the word "anxiety" began to show up in news articles and conversations. Little by little, people were becoming more open about it. Maybe it was a result of 9/11, or school shootings, or the chaos around the world, or within our own government. I read how more teens were talking about it; friends' kids were suffering from it, adults and seniors were diagnosed with it, and a multitude of books were written about it.    

And, yes, all those books!! As I browsed through some of them, I found the authors were too wordy, overcomplicated the subject, and added a lot of filler to justify the $30 price tag. The authors had scientific backgrounds, but did they have their own anxiety episodes? Who knows? What I do know is I'd feel comforted hearing from someone who lived it. Not just one-time, but for years.  

A story has stuck with me, and I think it gave me the permission I needed to release the eBook. It goes something like this. A fellow was passing by and saw a friend of his in a hole. He shouts down to his friend and asks if he can help. The man walking by jumps into the hole. The other man says, "Great, now we are both stuck in here." But the other man says, "Yes, but I've been here before and know the way out." 

Read Michael Newman's Article: Do You Have Generalized Anxiety Disorder? 

Learning about Anxiety

The more we know what is happening in the body when anxiety arises, the better we can work through the fearful thoughts. If I can think myself into an anxious episode, I can think myself out of one. For example, I may think, "OK, the heart is beating fast; that means it's putting me on alert; ok, I feel like my body is buzzing with nerves, and that's the nervous system showing off." 

Once you distract your mind, the anxiety's power diminishes, and a sense of calm comes over you. The more you practice that, the stronger your mind becomes, and the anxiety becomes less empowered. 

Mindfulness

I see the state of mindfulness as redirecting your mind when faced with an impending anxiety-producing event. If you're preparing for a social event, break it down and consider the details, like what you're wearing or what you're doing the next day that excites you. Give that event so little of your attention, and direct it to calming activities and the fun times to come.

Relaxation Techniques

I used to get extreme anxiety when riding the subway. Now that I've worked through those fears, I keep practicing the techniques that proved successful. In any tight space, like an elevator, a small shop, or an appointment I can't get out of, I sit and calm my mind and body. I close my eyes, imagine the beach or a blue sky, and it's really hard to stay anxious when your mind is enjoying the visuals you're bringing up.

Correct breathing techniques

I tended not to pay much attention to my breathing during an anxious episode. It would escalate it. Rather, I would distract my thoughts, do my calming exercise, and let the breathing regulate on its own. I didn't let myself go down that road, worried I might hyperventilate. For me, that was counterproductive.

However, I don't want to dissuade readers from trying these tips. Practice it when you're relaxed and calm, as it will deepen your relaxation. This is a great way to get your body accustomed to this relaxed breathing. 

Breathe from your diaphragm, letting your belly expand. Push the air out on the exhale. Watch your belly grow and deflate. That in itself is a helpful distraction. Or breathe in and count to 3, and then breathe out and count to 3.

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive therapy focuses on changing patterns of thinking and beliefs that are associated with and trigger anxiety. For example, in the throes of an anxiety attack, one may think, "Everyone knows there's something wrong with me, they can see I'm a mess, and they will think I need to be committed." 

In truth, no one is watching you; everyone is in their own space, wondering about their own fears. Rehearse in your head: "I am fine; I may feel anxiety inside me, but outwardly, I show calm. Now let me go about my business and trust." Sometimes apps can provide these thoughts through hypnotherapy or subliminal messages. The CALM app is effective.

Behavior therapy

The road to recovery is through proving you are stronger than any fear, imagined or otherwise. When you're calm and able to step out of your comfort zone, do something that would ordinarily trigger an attack. Take the subway a few stops, go into a shop and talk to a stranger, and drive over a bridge. By doing these short tasks, you train your brain to see these as not scary at all. 

Also, when you've come through an anxious episode unscathed, use that memory to work through the next attack. For example, I always challenge myself because I love to travel, and I would not let anxiety keep me from going. A solo cruise was my behavior therapy: I had a few fearful moments as we exited the harbor in New York and crossed under the Verrazano Bridge, all the while thinking, "What have I gotten myself into?"  

I then forced myself to join the ship's activities, knowing these people would never see me again if I made a fool of myself, so what. After a day, I was having a wonderful time, met others my age, and just let go of trying to control everything. After I got back on land, I used that cruise often. When I got anxious later, I'd remember, "I got through that cruise; I got this." 

Quick tips to help manage your anxiety

When traveling, carry a little notebook. When anxious, take a break, use the restroom, go into a stall, and write in your notebook. Just get what you're feeling out. That distraction can work wonders. Throw some water on your face. 

When feeling anxiety starts to creep up, do the "see and hear" practice. Look around the room and find three things that catch your eye and three sounds that capture your attention—another great distraction.

Dietary Adjustments

Speak with your physician and ask for a blood test to look for vitamin deficiencies. Sometimes a supplement can help a lot. Also, I know that if I don't eat every three hours, my blood sugar drops, and I feel panicky and anxious. THAT was a big breakthrough for me. 

The mineral magnesium helps muscle tissue relax, and a magnesium deficiency can contribute to anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Inadequate intake of vitamin B and calcium can also worsen anxiety symptoms. Eat a well-balanced diet and drink lots of water. Use sugar and caffeine in moderate amounts.

Exercise

Moving your body throughout the day, whether power walking, jogging, dancing, yoga, etc., is key. Plus, it keeps your body flexible. Workouts can boost serotonin and improve mood. Find an activity you enjoy, like tennis or pickleball, which can also help with social phobia.

Moving your body any way. The physical symptoms of anxiety are caused by the 'fight-or-flight' response, which floods the body with adrenaline and other stress chemicals. Exercise burns up stress chemicals and promotes relaxation. Physical activity is another helpful way to manage anxiety. Aim to be active three to four times a week, and vary your activities to avoid boredom.

Medication

If you feel your anxiety is too overwhelming, don't hesitate to talk to your physician about a short-term dose of an anti-anxiety medication. There are wonderful options that can change your life. You will need to keep up with your self-help tools outlined here, with the thought that you will be able to speak to your doctor about weaning off the prescription.

NEVER WEAN YOURSELF OFF ANY MEDICATION, NO MATTER HOW LITTLE YOU ARE TAKING. ALWAYS DO SO UNDER YOUR DOCTOR'S SUPERVISION.

Don't Be Afraid to Speak Up

Society has become more aware and forgiving. If you are ever in a situation where your anxiety is escalating, don't hesitate to let others know. Say something like, "I have to step outside for a few minutes," or "I will be right back." Grab a snack, a drink of water. This is nothing to be embarrassed about. Your body is protecting you, and you just have to signal that you are fine. You are okay. And that you really GOT THIS. Your body will follow. 

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Read MJ's bio by clicking her icon at the start of this article.

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