Can You Still Be Miserable After Overcoming Addiction?

April 27, 2026

Author of the Month

Michael Cline, Author

Tom O'Connor, Publisher

Despite beating addictions to both drugs and alcohol, it's very possible to remain stuck in a rut of declining mental health. Victory over your drug of choice, while admirable and a cause for celebration, doesn't mean immediate happiness. I'm a living example of how, despite overcoming dependencies upon substances, a person can be absolutely miserable.

As of this writing, I'm 26 years heroin-free and 15 years off the bottle. I was victorious in those two battles, and in each, I had a brief window when I felt invincible and triumphant. Unfortunately, over time, those all-too-familiar feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem intensified into a category-five hurricane.

Those who saw me overcome insurmountable situations praised me for my ability to beat two deadly addictions. "You're so resilient and strong," they'd insist. My outer shell exuded pride and strength, but beneath my false exterior was a never-ending perfect storm of self-loathing, unresolved childhood trauma, and an unshakable belief that I'd never be good enough.

I was an award-winning actor, portraying myself as perfectly at ease with whatever storm I had to weather. However, I was unsuccessful. Abstinence, without working on the reasons why I numbed myself, isn't as healing as one might think.

Let's face facts. I wasn't using it for fun. I was using to numb the feelings and memories that I absolutely couldn't tolerate. These are things that people with an addiction do, and no matter how much we may try to justify our actions, they aren't healthy or justifiable. While eliminating the substances we used to numb ourselves is a wonderful step forward, it's only the first step.

When I kicked the monkey off my back in August 1999, I had naively believed that my work was over. The obsession to use narcotics eventually faded, and I figured that chapter of my life was behind me. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Sure, I changed my behavior by staying away from the people, places, and things that could trigger me into using again. I regularly attended 12-step meetings, but I didn't lift a finger to work on any of the issues that were the source of the pain I had been trying to bury. It didn't take long before I convinced myself that I could drink socially. Although at first I was successful, eventually it turned into drinking dangerous amounts daily.

I switched seats on the Titanic, and swapped the needle and street drugs for the bottle and a more socially acceptable addiction. However, once I was finally clean and sober, I dredged through a long period of depression, anxiety, and self-loathing. I was outright miserable despite no longer being addicted to substances. Abstinence does not equal recovery.

Read:

Sobriety Without Healing: Why Abstinence Falls Short

Despite having overcome two addictions, my life did not miraculously transform into a world of happy dancing unicorns prancing around, showering me with peace, serenity, and ease. I was proud of no longer being chained to a substance, but I felt trapped in a world that threw obstacle after obstacle at me. I firmly believed that if I eliminated these substances, I'd be granted a life worth living. While this is partly true, I ignored another part of the equation for nearly a decade.

I had ignorantly believed that abstaining from my drugs of choice was enough to move past my addictions and lead a happy and fulfilling life. However, failing to address why I used substances was my biggest mistake, so it's not all that odd that I remained miserable.

Eventually, I reached the end of my rope. One can only stuff the demons of their past in an overly crowded closet for so long. After nearly a decade of living a clean and sober lifestyle, my misery got the best of me, and I quietly began planning my suicide.

As a former IV drug user, the logical route to no longer requiring oxygen, one would think one would go immediately to an overdose. Oddly, that thought never entered my mind. Perhaps my will to stay clean was so strong that using drugs to end my life was simply out of the question. I didn't want one last hurrah; I just wanted out.

Obviously, I never followed through. I'm currently living in beautiful Barcelona, Spain, and living an incredibly blessed life. While I'm not a religious person, I do believe that a higher power spoke to me in the wee hours of the morning, a voice that told me to travel to the Peruvian Jungle, where I'd find my salvation. The voice was correct.

While kicking your drug and alcohol habits is definitely the right way to go, there's more work to be done. Abstinence without recovery will leave you depressed, miserable, and quite possibly suicidal. Addiction is a symptom of a much bigger problem, and if it remains unaddressed, you are sure to wallow in misery.

Don't do what I did and spend a decade quietly battling daily depression. True recovery begins when you work on the reasons you used. This unpleasant step is mandatory, but putting in the work leads to a much better life.

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If this article resonated with you, you may be interested in my recovery-focused books, which explore addiction, trauma, and healing beyond abstinence.

New York City Junky Days is a raw, firsthand account of how an ordinary person can quickly become engulfed in addiction, told with brutal honesty and a hard-earned path toward recovery.

New York Recovery Days examines the difference between abstinence and true recovery, focusing on the long-term healing of childhood trauma and the emotional work required to build a fulfilling life.

For questions, speaking inquiries, or reader feedback, you can reach me directly at michaelcline2323@gmail.com.

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