Author of the Month

June 1, 2026

Kristen Crisp, Author

John Makohen, Subject Matter Expert

I internally woke up. Head pounding and spinning, my mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton like an old pillow, and my stomach was doing double back flips off the uneven bars.

I couldn't open my eyes because that would've meant facing reality.

I was hungover. Again.

The promises began, along with the pleas to God. Get me through this, please don't let me puke, I promise I'll quit. Again.

The circus-like Ferris wheel of self-sabotage is a big one. It goes round and round, over and over again, only stopping occasionally to let people, situations, and excuses, on and off. And sometimes, when it needs maintenance, it stops altogether.

But then inevitably, it starts back up again in full force. Whee fucking whee.

I can't speak for all drinkers and full-blown alcoholics, but here are a few reasons I continued to ride the loop-de-loop of booze over and over for 30+ years.

1. My self-esteem sucked

Yeah, yeah, boo hoo. We all feel like garbage sometimes. But when we moved cross-country when I was 11, leaving all our family and friends behind, it did a number on me. Especially since I entered my new life looking like an Amazon-sized, gawky, prepubescent weirdo. The bullying started on day one of my new school and continued well into junior high. That's where I met my first beer. Budweiser.

"Hello, how do you do? Oh, drinking with you makes me cool and accepted? ¡Then, una más de cerveza, por favor!"

2. Liquid courage is an actual human

That bitch is one of the most powerful forces of drinking that sucks you in like Hurricane Andrew.

Wanna dance? Have another drink.

Wanna ask him for his number? Have another drink.

Wanna show off your new tattoo planted under your mini skirt? Have another drink.

Wanna tell someone your deepest darkest secrets that you'll regret saying out loud? Have another drink.

Wanna dance on the table? Please have another drink and grab a spotter.

Alcohol takes our inhibitions to new highs (or lows, depending on how you look at it). We feel brazen, brave, and fearless. We can do (almost) anything, and sometimes the most heinous acts occur. And when that stupid cow courage comes around, she tends to whisper sweet nothings in your ear long enough for you to open your mouth, waggle your tongue, drive your car, pick up the phone, or ring that doorbell.

Be careful what you wish for. You might just do the unthinkable.

I know I have. (Within good girl reason)

3. In the drinking culture, sobriety wasn't cool

Good God, why on earth would I quit drinking? All of my friends are doing it. In my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s….pause… things are changing. Ooh, look at the old drunks. That's not pretty.

Hmmmm. Maybe I'll reconsider in the future.

My first hangover was in 1986 after too many screwdrivers during a frat party. I swore in that moment that I'd never drink a screwdriver again, and I didn't.

I just stuck with beer, trash-can punch, Tickle Pink, then graduated to Bacardi & Coke, Captain Morgan & Coke, eventually settling on Sailor Jerry & Coke (92 proof, woo-hoo!), and threw in bouts of cosmopolitans, gin & tonics, and a variety of imported beers.

But never a screwdriver.

Side note — drinking a beer in Belgium is a whole vibe, and I won't deny it was amazing.

Even after all of the horrid hangovers, mistakes, and regrets, I didn't quit drinking. It was still considered too much fun, and in the 80s, 90s, and even the early 2000s, no one talked much about sobriety unless you had a drunk uncle who needed to go to AA meetings in a damp, dank church basement.

Alcoholics were bums, not preppy college girls.

Let the boozing continue.

4. Drinking was cool

Everything revolved around drinking. Good times, bad times, births, and deaths. Got a reason to celebrate or mourn? Bust out a keg, bitches!

There was never a time from age 12 to 42 (the first time I got sober) that drinking wasn't considered acceptable and normal. Never. To breathe a word about quitting drinking would get you a bunch of side eyes and whispers that you must have a problem or there was some external catalyst pushing this unthinkable agenda. This is the drinking culture.

"Did you hear? Susan told Brad she thinks she should quit drinking."

“Whaaaaaaat? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What the hell is wrong with her? Wierdo.”

Nevermind. Susan didn't quit drinking.

And neither did I until I didn't give two shits about the stigma.

5. I loved my beer goggles

There's something about the way life looks through a carmel colored glass. The click of the ice, the stir of the swivel sticks, and the aroma and slow, smooth taste of the first sip.

Aaaaahhhhh.

If only I could stop there.

To enjoy a few cocktails now and again would be heavenly to me. But alas, it's not in my cards.

I miss the slight buzz of the first few drinks when you loosen up, let go of your cares, and things feel lighter and less stressful. But then, when that whore courage rolls in (see #2), I'm doomed. She takes hold and tells me it's okay to have another drink, then another, and even another.

Then I'm screwed.

I've danced some of the best dances with the best partners, had deep, meaningful conversations (you thought I was going to say sex, you dirty bird!), and enjoyed many alcohol fueled parties and events. It's probably safe to say that since I drank for over 30 years, those numbers likely range in the thousands.

But finally, after 30+ years, the shine of the goggles not only wore off, but they dulled and tarnished. Both times, I quit as a result of a horrific hangover. Yes, both times. First, for six years in 2010, and now, as I type, it's my second anniversary, and hopefully, my last rodeo.

If I can do it, so can you.

Read Kristen's bio by clicking her icon at the start of this article.

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