They Said They're Thinking of Suicide. What Now?

May 25, 2026 

AnneMoss Rogers, Author & Mental Health and Suicide Loss Survivor

Tom O'Connor, Editor & Publisher

Remember: You cannot save someone from suicide. The best you can do is help them save their own life.

• Take a cleansing breath.

• Don't freak out. (#1 most important)

• You will be OK.

• Just listening is effective.

• Don't focus on fixing.

• We want to try to help them save their own life

• Our goal is to allow them to feel heard and keep them safe for now.

• Having a conversation lowers risk.

• Do not say or imply they are "just trying to get attention."

If you are reading this and you've already had a conversation with someone, and you are wondering if you "said the right thing." I want you to know that if you listened with empathy, even if you didn't say the perfect thing, the other person probably felt heard. Just listening can diffuse an intense suicidal thought process. Connection is the antidote to suicide.

This guide will help you with what to say at that moment. When someone, a friend or loved one, has told you they are struggling with thoughts of suicide. 

Do you know that when you intervene and listen, the risk of suicide decreases? If you do not intervene, the suicide risk stays the same or gets worse.

What do you say? Let them know you heard them.

Tell me more. I'm listening…. That is the magic phrase. 

It's not your job to fix this, but simply to offer support, and you start by allowing that person to feel heard. 

You do not want to say, "You have so much to live for," or "Let me tell you about the time I…"

This is not about fixing the problem or talking about how you solved one, but about connecting with the person and their pain, which is intensely real to them.

This person has made the most sensitive and vulnerable confession, and you should be honored that someone saw you as someone they could trust with that information.

Someone has reached out to you. That says something about you.

Listen and Be Willing to be Uncomfortable.

You will be sitting with someone in pain, who may have periods of silence that make you uncomfortable. Heck, all of this is very awkward and uncomfortable.

You will also feel unqualified. Just know that you will feel this way, and it's natural. That's human. So acknowledge the feeling and don't run for the exits; just tell yourself that this is life or death, and that you are having this conversation even though you feel all those uncomfortable feelings. 

Connect with the Pain and/or Show Gratefulness

"I'm honored you trust me enough to share this with me."

"Thank you for sharing this with me. I'm so grateful."

"I'm so sorry you feel so much pain. Tell me more."

"How long have you felt this way?"

"This is serious. You are really struggling. Can you share more with me?"

"I am here to listen. Keep talking and tell me how you feel."

"It sounds as though you feel you can't live with pain this intense."

"I'm so grateful you have told me this. That took so much courage. Keep talking. I'm listening."

"I hear you saying that life just doesn't seem to matter to you right now. Can you say more about that?"

When they speak, they may list a whole litany of issues that can't be resolved at the time, or even propose something unlikely to happen. Right then, it's not the time to disagree, because it's what got them into this very intense moment.

For example,  if they say something like, "I need to see if my wife will take me back. I'm sure she will once she sees how I've changed." 

Don't refute the statement. Just listen. 

We have no idea what might happen in that relationship.

So the appropriate response is, "It sounds as if you are thinking about your future, doubtful about suicide, and want to explore options. So let's discuss how to keep you safe right now."

Show Partnership

"I'm right here with you right now. We'll figure this out together."

"Those thoughts must be so scary. I am here to listen and help. We'll figure this out together, OK."

"Permission to give you a hug?" (If appropriate situation.)

"I'm not sure what the next steps are, so let's call the local hotline right now together and see what our next step might be. I'm right here with you to help keep you safe." 

Keep in mind that if they've been through this before, they might have a fear of police or other first responders. So work with them to discuss options they feel comfortable participating in. If nothing else, call a warmline at warmline.org if one is open (they are not 24/7). They are not a crisis line, but often you will connect with someone who has struggled with suicide. 

"Did you have a plan?" 

If they answer this question, make note of what that was because you'll want to follow up and remove means to minimize the chances of suicide. Those suffering suicidal thoughts won't often come up with a new idea. (Removing means = e.g., finding someone to legally "babysit" a firearm off-site until the situation is stabilized or removing medications.)

"I'm not certain what to do next, but I assure you I'm here with you now and want to keep you safe. We'll figure this out together."

Read More On This Topic:

What I Wish Everyone Knew About Suicide

Connect Them with Help, a Parent, or a Counselor Whenever Possible.

Be careful not to make someone feel as if you are uncomfortable and can't wait to pass them off to someone else. Typically, the intensity of suicidal thoughts lasts an average of 20 minutes to 2.5 hours.

"Can we call your husband? I want him to know you need extra support right now, but know I'm with you now." (The person to call can be a parent, sibling, partner/spouse, or a school counselor.)

In some cases, they might need to go to a hospital, but this is typically a last resort. However, if they are not responding much, or curled up in a corner, for example, ask them to go with you to the ER or mental health hospital for a suicide risk assessment, keeping in mind your own safety, of course.

"You have expressed doubt about suicide. So can we agree to help keep you safe right now?"

"We can't focus on or worry about all those problems at once or right now. Your only job at this moment is to keep yourself safe from suicide. Let's call Crisis Hotline 988"  (This can be a local resource or a national hotline or text line. Numbers below.)

"I can't promise that I will keep this secret. But you can trust that I will be discreet. I want to connect you with someone who is more educated on the topic and trained to help keep you safe from suicide. I'm with you still, and we can do that together."

"Let's call the local mental health hotline now together and see what they recommend." (Local numbers are good. National hotline if that's all you have.)

"I understand that you are feeling safe from suicide right now, but I want to connect you with someone who knows the next steps. Then, I'd like to follow up with you later after I connect you with your [loved one, etc.]. Is that OK?"

Follow Up Later

"I wanted to check in with you and see how you are today? "

"How can I help you connect with some additional help?"

"I am so grateful and honored that you confided in me. Let's meet for lunch."

Possible resources to connect them with include a local or national mental health hotline, a state mental health resource, an employee assistance program, a school nurse, or a school counselor. It may be that the person is already under the care of a mental health professional; that would be a good point of contact.

If They Die by Suicide, Is It My Fault?

It is not. Sometimes, even with the best efforts, someone takes their life. This isn't typical, but it does happen. And if it does, just know you did the best you could with the resources you had. You are not Superman, and we cannot control another human being. All you can do is do your best.

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Read AnneMoss's bio by clicking her icon at the start of this article.

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