The Weight We Carry: Bullying, Trauma, and the Long Road Home

April 13, 2026

Belinda (Belle) Morey, Author and Substance Use Disorder Counselor

Tom O'Connor, Publisher

My Story

Like so many teachers, counselors, therapists, and advocates fighting against bullying, violence, and trauma, when I hear "bullying," my mind goes straight to students. But if I'm honest, I don't just think of other kids—I remember my own story.

I remember shame curling in my stomach as the girl who'd called me names all morning sat down at my lunch table, daring me to react. I remember the sting of sour milk trickling down my neck after a group of boys dumped a carton over my head as I bent to tie my shoe. I remember bracing for impact whenever I heard footsteps behind me, knowing it was someone coming to mess with me.

When I think of bullying, I think of myself at eight years old. I see my lunch tray slamming onto the cafeteria table, chocolate milk splashing over my shoes, and twenty pairs of eyes rolling and snickering. I was the fattest girl in my grade, and in a small Northern Wisconsin town with only one school, there was nowhere I could go where someone didn't know who I was—or come looking for trouble.

Sometimes words were enough ("whale," "lard," "tub"). Sometimes it got creative—kids mooing as I walked by, or sticking candy wrappers to my desk with notes saying I "must've missed these." Sometimes, kids I thought were my friends wouldn't let me play—not around them, anyway. It didn't matter how hard I tried to disappear. There wasn't a single place I could escape their words: not in the hallways, not at recess, not on the bus. Not even in the bathroom, where girls would whisper and giggle behind the stalls.

I didn't outgrow my classmates. I spent kindergarten through eighth grade with the same twenty bullies. By second grade, I already knew there was nowhere to go and no way to change what other kids thought of me. I mastered hiding what I needed. I pretended not to care. I diminished myself so thoroughly that my voice got smaller, my requests quieter, my dreams easier for others to ignore.

All because I was fat. And the kids were mean.

What I Know Now

I didn't realize at the time just how much damage school bullying would do later in life. I felt ashamed and lonely throughout childhood and adolescence. Those experiences became part of the foundation for my codependency, addiction, and anxiety as an adult. Even now, at 44, I catch myself wondering why people are laughing at me—even if nobody's said a word.

And I know I'm far from alone. One in five students reports being bullied at school. Nearly 15% of adolescents report being cyberbullied (WHO). Victims of bullying are 60% more likely to struggle with mental health disorders throughout their lives (San Diego Psychiatric Society). And for some kids, the negative experiences at school lead to full-fledged PTSD: flashbacks, avoidance, anxiety, and persistent negative beliefs about themselves and the world (NCTSN; UCLA Health).

How Bullying Trauma Can Scar Us for Life

As a child who was bullied, I didn't realize until much later how bullying affects every system in our bodies. Each child's experience is unique, and there's no single way trauma shows up in adulthood. Just as kind words can change a bullied child's life for the better, there's no way to predict how much long-term damage bullying can do.

What Bullying Steals from Us:

Safety: The illusion that if we work hard enough, we'll earn the right to just…be. Bullying teaches kids that their bodies are wrong, their feelings are unacceptable, and their experiences are invalid. It can rewire a child's stress response for years to come, leaving some of us desperate to please and others numb or shut down.

Self-esteem: High self-esteem isn't something you're born with—it's something you develop over time. Kids who are bullied miss out on critical messages: that they're enough, that they matter. It's no coincidence that adults reaching out for therapy because of anxiety, depression, and panic are often those who struggled with bullying. We didn't learn how to value ourselves.

Connection: Bullying can lead to lifelong problems with trust, because why would we trust people not to hurt us? Children who are bullied are more likely to experience social anxiety and struggle to form secure relationships as adults (Hui et al.; Migliano et al.).

What You Can Do to Help

• Empower kids to speak up. Let them know they'll be believed if they come to you.

• Create clear, enforced policies around bullying.

• Allow and celebrate differences—in your students, your kids, yourself.

• Explicitly protect LGBTQ+ kids from bullying. (The Trevor Project's research makes clear: these efforts save lives.)

Need More Information on Trauma:

Why Trauma Keeps Coming Back 

What You Can Do to Heal

If bullying has affected you—whether you're a kid being bullied now or an adult who struggled through school decades ago—there's hope. There's always hope.

I spent years trying to return to the world as a whole person. Years of thinking there was something wrong with me. It took decades to realize that the shame belonged with the bullies, not with me. There's no deadline for healing trauma. Even if you started reading with trepidation, consider coming back—because you (and your story) are worth it.

You are worthy of love, belonging, and connection. You are worthy of healing.

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Belinda Morey earned a Bachelor's Degree in Substance Abuse/Addiction Counseling.

You can contact Belinda at: Belle.Morey@progressisprogressllc.com or www.progressisprogressllc.com. 

You can read Belle's articles at https://progressisprogress.substack.com/

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