Inner Rage Became the Catalyst for Escape, Growth, and Healing.

January 5, 2026

Heline Freea, Author and Trauma Therapist

John Makohen, Subject Matter Expert

Author Heline Freea is a Trauma Therapist and educator, Mental health trainer, energy therapist, clinical supervisor, and Founder of Routed in Recovery Truth & Purpose. Heline is also the author of Unlayering the Hidden Roots of Trauma.

I know I may not find many people who relate to my experiences, especially when it comes to anger. It often gets a bad rap, painted as a harmful emotion. But the truth is, anger is a natural and valid response, particularly for those of us who are trauma survivors.

We must stop viewing anger as shameful. Suppressed emotions like anger can lead to unhealthy outcomes such as self-harm, anxiety, and physical issues. This suppression creates a cycle of internal conflict, shame, and guilt, preventing us from expressing needs and boundaries, and worsening emotional and physical health. 

Fear of expressing anger can cause isolation, especially for sensitive individuals who have experienced harm. The desire to avoid hurting others may lead to suppression of emotions, notably anger. Recognizing triggers and understanding that anger isn't harmful but an insightful, empowering emotion is crucial.

For many survivors, connecting with their inner rage can help them defend their boundaries and assert themselves when they feel threatened or disrespected. It's an intense emotion that can signal that something needs healing, alerting us to imbalances within ourselves and helping us recognize triggers in our experiences or environment.

For years, my mind was a minefield, walking on eggshells around my parents—rife with self-doubt, rumination, and accusations. I was scapegoated, feeling powerless to defend myself, with my rage buried deep. Home felt like a battlefield, wounds sapping my energy and spirit, leaving me emotionally shattered and unsafe.

Each physical manifestation of this turmoil (migraines, nosebleeds, and accidents) served as a poignant reminder of my deep-seated feelings of insecurity. These symptoms felt like a clear message that I was unable to articulate, stifling my voice, leaving me trapped in silence, particularly at the hands of my mother when she was drunk and goading me, which added to the chaos. 

My father was a narcissist who was vicious and physically aggressive. Each interaction triggered my nervous system, sending me into hyper-arousal. My body was always ready to confront or run away from the threat. When neither option was possible, I often froze, feeling immobilized and powerless. Suppressing my emotions made me feel trapped, caught in a cycle of panic and despair with no way to escape.

Unprocessed abuse, neglect, or violence can lead to repressed anger, especially in those conditioned to hide their feelings. In safe spaces, this anger can surface as a way to reclaim one's voice and assert one's rights. Although I refused to hurt others or become my abusers despite persistent vulnerability and angry thoughts, I struggled with perceived threats and criticisms.

Anger should be seen as a catalyst for healing, empowering us to confront feelings and address injustices. Recognizing that anger is justified highlights the need for change and self-advocacy. Suppression causes distress and self-blame. Learning to control impulses and dismantle unhealthy defenses allows anger to motivate positive change.

A Cry for Help- Rescue Me

One particularly vivid experience stands out. The attack came suddenly, and I found myself confused. "What did I do?"

Why does my existence irritate my mother so much? I know she hates me. She spreads lies and distorts the truth to my siblings, enablers helping her isolate me and maintain control. After years of silence and buried emotions, I could no longer endure the fear and realized I must speak out.

The air was thick with tension, fueled by her raging fit and the stench of alcohol that hung around her like a shroud. For the first time, my anger could not be contained. "I dared to ask why?" and the whole house lit up, erupted in violence. In a fit of rage, she rang the police, shouting, "Get over here quick! Take her away!"I felt overwhelmed, helpless, and filled with hurt and despair. The police arrived, and I hoped they would protect me and take me away from the turmoil. Seeing the officers, I thought this could be my escape from the silence surrounding the domestic abuse I endured. If they took me, I'd be free—free to sleep, rest, and leave the pain behind. When the officer listened attentively, I sensed genuine compassion.

As I looked at the police, desperation overcame me. "Please take me away from all this," I begged, heart pounding with fear and hope. The chaos at home faded as I imagined a life where I could reclaim my story, escape hurt, and find peace beyond these walls. Fear overwhelmed me as my mother accused me again, painting me as confrontational. The chaotic house felt suffocating. I longed for the jail cell. A delusional refuge, but solace nonetheless. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I had no energy left for rational thought. The police ultimately decided they couldn't help me, gently telling me that a cell was "not a place for a nice young lady like me." At that moment, dread surged again. I thought, "Oh my God, when they leave, she will start again…" 

It was then that I made the most significant decision of my life. I was out of here. I didn't care where I went; I just needed to escape. I couldn't cope anymore. I knew that no amount of reasoning, regulation, or self-soothing could help me now.

I was ready to reclaim my voice and start healing. The unfiltered truth emerged, becoming my greatest ally. By acknowledging and processing my inner anger, I realized the importance of emotional expression. Suppressing these feelings had harmed my body and mind, but now I was prepared to confront and heal from the chaos that had long defined my life. 

Decades later, I realized how desperate I felt, seeing a police cell as my only safe refuge. What seemed terrifying then became a symbol of liberation, awakening me to the need to begin healing and reconstructing my fractured self.

Embracing the Unprocessed Anger: The Unseen Catalyst for Growth and Healing. Anger is often seen as negative and something to hide, but it can be a powerful force for growth and healing, especially in trauma. Susan Anderson explains that when rejected by someone we love, we often blame ourselves and direct our anger inward. Some feelings—fear, despair, self-doubt—are so intense they cause shame and embarrassment. Rage is a protest against pain—a refusal to be a victim any longer.

When we understand anger's role in our emotional landscape, we can begin to embrace it rather than fear it.

Conditioning Children to Suppress Anger. From a young age, children are conditioned to believe anger is shameful. Phrases like "Don't be angry" or "Anger is bad" suggest that expressing anger is unacceptable. Well-meaning parents and educators aim to promote kindness, but this often leads children to suppress their feelings, with lasting consequences.

As a therapist, I often see parents who send their children to therapy, hoping to 'fix' their anger, viewing it as a flaw. What they really need is to look inward and truly listen to their child's hidden feelings.

An angry child is often a hurting child, and not necessarily a problematic child.

Understanding this connection is vital for healing and growth. If a child's anger has spiraled out of control, it may be a sign that therapy or further support is necessary.

For traumatized children, acknowledging that anger is a valid emotion is the first step toward healing. Finding healthy outlets for this anger, whether through creative expression, physical activity, or talking with a trusted adult, can be incredibly liberating. Understanding and expressing anger can be challenging yet empowering. Learning to channel anger constructively allows children to reclaim their voices and convert pain into strength.

Recognizing that anger is okay and can be safely expressed fosters emotional freedom and healing. Thus, anger shifts from a mere reaction to a catalyst for growth and resilience.

The Impact of Suppression on the Nervous System. Suppressing emotions can cause serious problems even for those who haven't faced deep trauma. The nervous system, vital for processing feelings, can become imbalanced when emotions like anger are ignored or pushed away. This imbalance may manifest as anxiety, depression, or physical health issues. When anger can't be expressed, it may lead to a "nervous system crash," resulting in ongoing stress, fatigue, and a sense of disconnection from oneself and others. My body screamed endlessly, showing the turmoil I couldn't express— tension, anxiety, falls, and accidents. Each symptom reflected repression, a physical sign of suffering in silence.

Some days, migraines were so severe I couldn't lift my head, as if dark forces kept me down, preventing me from speaking. These physical ailments worsened in my toxic environment, flaring up after conflicts that left me reeling. I longed to respond, to shout out in frustration, "Why me? Please leave me alone! Just let me be!" But each time I opened my mouth to speak, I froze, paralyzed by the terror of what her next move would be. The fear gripped me tightly, silencing my voice and trapping me in a cycle of pain and helplessness.

Narcissistic individuals often react violently when challenged, thriving on control and manipulation. They feel threatened when questioned and, instead of answering, lash out, refusing to show vulnerability. I asked for an explanation and was caught in a whirlwind of emotions—confused, unsure how to respond, yet needing clarity. Instead of understanding, I was met with harsh words that cut deeper than any blow. I knew I had to leave, which was terrifying; I faced a choice: stay and be destroyed or leave and confront the fear of loneliness. At that moment, I couldn't think clearly, but escape was all I had.

My nervous system reached capacity at 16, marking the start of my path to liberation. Though the world opened up, I was terrified by the unknown. Wide-open spaces became vital—my dream was to breathe freely, not be invisible, or a pawn in endless battles. I often wondered, "Why did you both have me?"

I was not just surviving; I was reclaiming my life and forging a new narrative. This was my moment of empowerment, the first chapter of my journey toward freedom.

Reflecting on my journey as a survivor, I see how deep my trauma's roots go. Growing up amid domestic abuse, I was taught that speaking out was forbidden. My father's voice echoed in my mind, making me feel shame and disloyalty whenever I considered sharing my story. I quickly learned that silence was my way of protecting myself and my family's reputation. Living in silence was suffocating. The weight of unspoken pain isolated and confused me. I carried this burden into adulthood, and I often struggled to understand my fractured self. 

Healing has been a long, demanding process, requiring energy, commitment, and patience. I've realized that uncovering the roots of my trauma is a gradual journey.

Understanding and processing my trauma has provided wisdom for my healing and fostered empathy for others. Therapy is a continuous process of discovery and growth that leads to greater peace, contentment, and self-awareness.

I'm passionate about helping others heal. I wrote a book to guide people in understanding their trauma, because therapy isn't always possible. I aim to empower self-healing with tools and insights for recovery. Please feel free to check out my book, 'Unraveling the Hidden Roots of Trauma.' 

Anger often weighs heavily on us, especially for those raised in environments where it was forbidden to express it. For many children, anger is a natural reaction to hurt, misunderstanding, or threat. When deemed unacceptable, it doesn't disappear but becomes trapped, fueling a storm of unexpressed feelings.

Children in homes with domestic violence or emotional neglect learn early that their voices can be silenced. They internalize the belief that expressing anger is wrong, which can cause anxiety, tension, or emotional numbness. Their bodies hold these feelings, and their nervous systems react, seeking ways to release the pent-up emotions.

Recognizing that anger, when managed well, can be purposeful is essential. Unprocessed anger can steal your joy and feel like poison. But when acknowledged and appropriately released, it can trigger healing and transformation.

The Importance of Feeling, Healing, and Releasing. To promote emotional health, it is essential to feel and process anger. Ignoring or denying this emotion can cause unresolved issues. When acknowledged and appropriately expressed, anger can lead to healing. Addressing its root causes, often linked to past traumas, allows us to heal and move forward.

Suppressing anger can create a cycle of emotional distress, causing disproportionate reactions, relationship problems, and constant tension. Ignoring this emotion can negatively affect mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

The presence of inner rage - key stages of awareness.

Acknowledgment: Recognizing and admitting the presence of rage is the first step. This involves understanding that feeling anger is valid and a natural response to trauma.

Expression: Finding safe and constructive ways to express anger is crucial. This could include talking about feelings, engaging in creative arts, music, or journal writing, or engaging in physical activities that support the safe discharge of emotions.

Exploration: Delving deeper into the sources of rage helps in understanding its roots. This might involve reflecting on past experiences, triggers, and how these emotions shape daily life.

Processing: This stage involves working through the feelings of rage. It may include therapy or support groups where individuals can share their experiences and emotions in a safe, nurturing space.

Reframing: Learning to view anger not just as a destructive force but as a signal for change can be transformative. This involves understanding what the rage is trying to communicate and using it as a catalyst for personal growth.

Forgiveness: This stage may involve forgiving oneself and others, a decisive step toward letting go of the hold rage has on one's life. It doesn't mean condoning actions; it means freeing oneself from the burden of resentment.

Integration: Incorporating the lessons learned from the experience of rage into daily life is essential. This includes developing healthier coping strategies and emotional responses.

Empowerment: Ultimately, healing from rage can lead to a sense of empowerment. Individuals can emerge from the process with a stronger sense of self, greater emotional intelligence, and the ability to navigate future challenges more effectively.

Each person's healing journey is unique, and these stages might not occur in a straight line. It's essential to approach recovery with patience and self-compassion.

I finally found the courage to share my story, breaking the silence that had held me captive. This brought a sense of liberation, freeing me from fear and shame. Speaking out has helped my healing and shown others they are not alone. In this journey, I've come to understand that breaking the cycle of secrecy is essential. Reclaiming our narrative and telling our stories inspires connection and understanding, making healing possible.

The insights in this article stem from my personal experience and journey. Everyone's emotional landscape is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another.

This article is not intended as therapy or professional advice. It's threads of my personal narrative and evolution. If you know someone who can benefit from this article, please share. 

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Heline Freea can be reached at Trauma Therapy Training.

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