The Role of Inner Child Healing in Overcoming Adult-Child Syndrome

May 12, 2025

Stephanie Watterson, Author & Recovery & Life Coach 

Tom O’Connor, Editor & Publisher

The Role of Inner Child Healing in Overcoming Adult-Child Syndrome explores the importance of reconnecting with the inner child to address Adult-Child Syndrome (ACS). 

Stephanie Watterson is our author. Stephanie grew up in a home affected by mental illness, with a mother who struggled with mental health issues and an emotionally unavailable workaholic father. Verbal abuse and the silent treatment were common, leading her to believe love had to be earned. Stephanie began using non-prescribed substances and excessive alcohol at a young age, leading to an unhealthy lifestyle for 20 years. She has been in recovery for 10 years.

Additional Information For You 

According to Stephanie:

Once I helped myself, I transitioned to helping others through peer support, recovery, and life coaching. Dealing with my childhood trauma was not an easy journey at all! I didn’t realize for many years that I was a hurt little girl with many unmet needs and then an angry teen who went through life acting out behaviors that further hurt and re-traumatized that little girl. I deeply needed nurturance, unconditional love, to be heard, and seen. I got many mixed messages as a child. For instance, being shamed or scolded one day and then receiving positive regard the next, with no explanation about why the parent had acted that way, left me very confused, and I felt something was wrong with me. 

Teenage Years

It was my early teen years when I would look for nurturance or love in boys, alcohol, and drugs.  I wanted it to be from my parents. There was a lot of yelling and discord within my family. Intimacy or affection was something that was not witnessed between my parents. One of the behaviors I would avoid is people pleasing at my own expense. In doing this, I abandoned myself and my needs. In turn, I got resentful.  The acting out escalated quickly, and I became increasingly angry in my later teens. I sought relief in all the wrong places. 

Young Adult Years

Through the years, my addictions got worse. I became addicted to alcohol, cocaine, seeking love, work, sex, and eventually I became an intravenous drug user, and I hit a low bottom in my twenties. I was so empty inside. I tried putting my life together in my late twenties after repeated attempts at treatment and forced treatment facilities. I didn’t realize then that I was a hurt little girl and such an angry teenager in an adult body. 

Adult Recovery Years

It makes sense now. I sobered up at 28, but I didn’t do any real healing, such as inner work, trauma, resentments, etc.  I did the spiritual angle by connecting with a religious organization. If you're familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous, one of the founders, Bob, was spiritual, and he couldn’t just stay sober on God; it was when he met Bill that he was able to maintain some recovery. It’s that transmission line of one alcoholic to another. So, I had to have some more pain and decided to lose everything again, including custody of my son and all my material possessions. 

Mostly what I lost was myself. I never really had myself. What I continued to do was re-traumatize myself. It was the most painful experience I have ever had to go through in the next few years of my addiction. Why do they say, “God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers?” If that's the case, then I must be tough. I know I am. I had to be humbled in many ways, and I am grateful for that, as well as to God. 

When I finally got sober after many life events in 2015, my addictions led me to homelessness and the loss of my husband, who died of brain cancer, which I did not know how to deal with.

Grief, ya, right. Remember, I was still a very hurt child and this angry teen who never grew up. When my husband, Paul, was diagnosed, I couldn’t deal. A man who loved me and stood by me was going to die. I couldn’t handle that. I could, however, handle checking out what was familiar to me. It all came crashing down shortly after his death that year in 2015. My addiction was out of control. Blowing through $22,000 of my profit sharing from a former company, an OUI, getting tickets on the road, and finally ending up homeless. My family was done. It was a blessing in disguise. I believe that when families stop enabling a child's addiction, there can be recovery. My father helped in many areas, but he was also hurting.

Families help in the way they think they are helping. I sobered up by going to an Intensive Outpatient (IOP) program. No Detox. Was it rough? I was shaking, rattling, and rolling. I chose not to because I had done so many and knew I would get in with the wrong crowd. I did it my way to some degree. I knew the system. I first had to get sober to look at all the other issues. 

Inner Child & Inner Teen

Mention inner child or inner teen, when I first got sober, I would have been like, huh, what's that? I was furious when I got sober, guarded, and had trauma I had to work through that I didn’t even know I had. It came to me after I read my fourth step. This is a process that is part of a twelve-step fellowship. I did this in Alcoholics Anonymous, but I have worked in other programs. Once I got some years of recovery under my belt, I realized I was still struggling. I was about five years sober, and I needed extra help. I was told about Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous/Dysfunction, and also Sex and Love. 

I hadn’t been in a relationship since my husband died, or physically intimate with anyone, but I was withholding it from myself. I was afraid to. All my experiences were traumatic, and I had some religious beliefs that were no longer serving me. I realized I needed to get to the root of these symptoms. Hence, the inner child and inner teen. A symptom of this is also the inner critic. I would be very hard on myself for thinking or behaving in a certain way. I may have changed a lot, but I wanted to change more. I still wanted to understand why I was the way I was. I am grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous, but I know even from the literature that alcohol is just a symptom of something greater. After being introduced, I delved deeply into healing my inner child and teenager. Realizing I can be triggered. There is a difference, though, between a trigger and a takeover. I often let something “take over” due to my upbringing, because I was never taught emotional regulation.

Through this process, I have been learning to soothe my inner child so that my inner teen or inner critic doesn’t take over. In essence, I am becoming the loving parent I want to be. Where specific needs were unmet as a child, I am now meeting them. I don't have to do things that people please today or do things I don’t want to do. I learned that love was conditional and had to be earned. That is not true today. The people in my life love me for who I am. I love me for me! All the work I have done! I don’t have to earn love, beg for love, abandon my values, morals, or be someone I don’t want to be to make you like me. That is self-abandonment. Today I don’t have to abandon Stephanie. God wouldn’t want me to do that. I am grateful to continue healing and being compassionate towards my inner child, inner teenager, and inner critic. Will it be lifelong? Yes. Has it gotten better? Yes. A hell of a lot better. This is all because you understand it so well. I believe, as with all things, it can only get better, and I know that with God’s help, I am sure to succeed. 

According to Outside Research:

Why Inner Child Healing is Essential for ACS Recovery

Individuals with Adult-Child Syndrome often exhibit coping strategies rooted in childhood experiences. These strategies, while initially protective, can manifest as:

• People-Pleasing: A way to avoid conflict or gain validation.

• Hyper-Independence: An overcompensation for unmet needs during childhood.

• Emotional Reactivity: Difficulty managing emotions due to unresolved past trauma.

Engaging in inner child work teaches individuals to replace these patterns with healthier coping mechanisms. This work enhances self-awareness and builds a solid foundation for long-term recovery and personal growth.

Healing the inner child through these diverse therapeutic approaches offers a holistic path to overcoming Adult Child Syndrome. By integrating these methods into their recovery journey, individuals can transform old wounds into sources of strength, develop healthier coping strategies, and build a more fulfilling and emotionally stable adult life.

These expert-approved approaches provide practical tools for individuals and mental health professionals, reinforcing the powerful impact of inner child healing on long-term well-being and recovery.

Inner Child Healing involves recognizing and addressing emotional wounds and traumas from childhood to foster emotional well-being and promote personal growth. By understanding and processing past experiences, individuals can develop healthy coping mechanisms, foster self-compassion, and strengthen their relationships.

The Role of Inner Child Healing

• Resolving Unresolved Emotions. Inner child work helps individuals identify and process past traumas and emotional wounds, allowing them to resolve unresolved feelings and move forward.  

• Developing Self-Compassion. It encourages individuals to treat themselves with the same kindness and understanding they would offer a child in need, fostering self-love and self-acceptance.

• Improving Emotional Health. By addressing past traumas and emotional needs, inner child healing can lead to improved mental health, reduced anxiety and depression, and increased emotional resilience.

• Understanding Past Trauma. Inner child work helps individuals understand how past trauma affects their present behavior and relationships, allowing them to develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Your Call to Action to Heal Your Inner Child

According to Tom O'Connor:

My current therapist was the first to introduce the concept of healing my "inner child” and “adult-child syndrome. " After our first visit, she assigned me the task of writing a letter to my younger self, offering advice on how to survive childhood with an alcoholic parent.

My therapist asked me to read it to her during our second session. When I finished, she replied:  “Keep this letter close to your bed as a keepsake. This way, you’ll be reminded to take good care of yourself every morning because you will also care for him. That will guide your healthy decision-making.”

Now, each morning, as I wake up, I remind myself to engage in activities throughout the day that prioritize self-care. 

If you experience Adult-Child Syndrome, participate in this task by following the daily activities and completing the following:

• Start with Self-Reflection and Introspection. Reflect on your childhood experience, identify triggers, and acknowledge their emotional impact.

• Practice Self-Compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a child. 

• Engage in Activities that bring you joy and creativity. Revisit childhood hobbies or explore new interests to reconnect with your inner child.  

• Set Healthy Boundaries. Learn to protect your emotional well-being and assert your needs in relationships.

• Seek Professional Help. If you're struggling, consider seeking guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who works with the inner child.

• Start journaling and engaging in creative activities. Writing down your thoughts and feelings and engaging in creative activities can help you process emotions and connect with your inner child.

• Engage in Meditation and Mindfulness. These practices can help you become more aware of your emotions and develop emotional regulation skills.

Stephanie Watterson has a Certification in Addiction Prevention and Treatment from North Shore Community College and a Certificate in Designation as a Recovery Coach Professional (RCP). Visit Stephanie's website: https://www.coachingwithstephaniewatterson.com/