Navigating Family Estrangement: Insights from Joshua Coleman, Ph.D.

August 21, 2025

Joshua Coleman, PhD, Author & Psychologist

Tom O'Connor, Publisher

Understanding Family Estrangement

Family estrangement is a growing issue. Many adults find themselves distanced from at least one family member. While statistics vary, research indicates that roughly one in four Americans may be estranged from a relative. This is a significant number.

The Pain of Estrangement

When a client experiences alienation from a family member, the pain can linger. It often remains unspoken and unresolved. This grief is challenging to navigate. Even if reconciliation isn't possible, we can still support clients. We can help them cope with the complex emotions tied to family estrangement.

Dr. Joshua Coleman is a leading expert in this field. He specializes in helping families and individuals navigate estrangement, parental alienation, and couples' conflicts. He is a psychologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area and a Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families. This organization is dedicated to sharing the latest research about American families.

Dr. Coleman has authored numerous articles and chapters and has written four impactful books: The Rules of Estrangement (Random House), The Marriage Makeover: Finding Happiness in Imperfect Harmony (St. Martin's Press), The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework (St. Martin's Press), and When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along (HarperCollins).

The Growing Acceptance of Estrangement

Dr. Coleman observes that family estrangement is becoming more common and, troublingly, more acceptable. Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok contribute to this trend. Cutting ties with toxic family members is increasingly seen as a form of personal expression. However, this often masks deeper issues of avoidance.

Not every estrangement is warranted. There are indeed abusive family members who may never change. However, many families are caught in a cycle of misunderstanding. Parents may be willing to undergo therapy and take responsibility, yet they are often labeled as narcissists or gaslighters. This creates a massive problem in our society.

We live in a culture rich in the language of separation and diagnosis. Yet, we lack a robust dialogue about connectedness and interdependency. This imbalance can lead to further alienation.

Personal Impact of Estrangement

I have experienced estrangement in my own family. I was married and divorced in my 20s. I have an adult daughter whom I am very close to now. However, there was a time in her early 20s when she cut off contact with me. This was partly due to my remarriage and the birth of children from my second marriage. She felt displaced, and our relationship suffered. For several years, she stopped talking to me. This was one of the most painful experiences of my life.

The Complex Causes of Estrangement

Divorce is a significant factor, but it's not the only one. Many adult children cite childhood abuse or neglect as reasons for estrangement. In my practice, I see this frequently. However, the definition of harmful behavior has evolved over the past few decades.

Often, adult children describe their childhoods as traumatic, while parents believe they provided the best upbringing possible. This disconnect leads to conversations where both parties talk past each other. My strategy involves helping parents understand and bridge these gaps.

Barriers to Reconnection

The most significant barrier for parents is often their unawareness of cultural shifts. Many parents cling to the belief that their adult children owe them something. They may use guilt or obligation as motivation. My mission is to help parents learn effective communication strategies. Those who can adapt often find success in reconnecting with their children.

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Dr. Joshua Coleman's advice has been featured in major publications like The New York Times, The Times of London, and Psychology Today. He has served on the clinical faculties of the University of California at San Francisco and the Wright Institute. Josh offers a workshop on Family Estrangement at a reduced cost. You can contact him at Josh@drjoshuacoleman.com.

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