Did Family Dysfunction Lead You To Estrangement?

December 22, 2025

Joey Cianci, LCSW, Author & Owner, and Director of Journey's Path Counseling 

Katherine Reynolds, Subject Matter Expert

If one or more family members have a substance use disorder (SUD) that influences the family dynamic, it strains healthy communication and puts pressure on interpersonal relationships.

Family dysfunction, which can manifest in various forms such as emotional abuse, mismatched expectations, and unresolved trauma, can significantly contribute to adult children distancing themselves from their parents. 

For instance, a history of emotional abuse can lead to a perceived lack of safety or support within the family, pushing the adult child to distance themselves. Similarly, if a parent's substance use disorder influences the family dynamic, it can strain healthy communication and put pressure on interpersonal relationships, potentially leading to estrangement. 

Mental health challenges in either the parent or child, or both, can further exacerbate these issues. 

Unpredictable behavior from one or more parents can put the family in a constant state of fear or worry. In dysfunctional families, there is a fear of abuse, violence, abandonment, and financial instability. 

*Here's another article on Family Estrangement you might like.

Control can be exerted in many ways, such as when one or both parents dominate the rest of the family through passive-aggressive behavior, threats, or actual violence. Denying basic needs, such as food and shelter, is also a form of control.

With family dysfunction, even when children get old enough to leave their family home, the influence of their family never leaves.

Author Joey Cianci, LCSW, has over a decade of experience working with individuals and families affected by anxiety, depression, trauma, and marital and family discord. Journey's Path Counseling is a group psychotherapy practice dedicated to providing compassionate, client-centered care for individuals and families facing life's challenges. 

Joey Cianci's team at Journey's Path Counseling is composed of experienced clinicians who specialize in a wide range of concerns, including depression, anxiety, trauma, family dynamics, relationship struggles, and more. Each member of our team brings a unique perspective and expertise, ensuring that we can provide comprehensive, client-centered care for individuals and families facing life's challenges. 

According to Joey Cianci:

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are the hallmark of emotional health. In dysfunctional families, healthy boundaries are all too often seen as rejection, aggression, or even betrayal. Researcher Brene Brown has noted that boundaries are essential for emotional well-being because they protect our energy, clarify limits, and reduce resentment. Dysfunction thrives on blurred boundaries and enmeshment, a term that describes a lack of individual identity within the family unit. The concept of enmeshment originates with the work of family therapist Salvador Minuchin, who described how blurred boundaries can interfere with identity development and autonomy (Minuchin, Families and Family Therapy, Harvard University Press). Love usually feels more like an obligation than a genuine connection. When this occurs, confusion, guilt, and a loss of autonomy set in over time. 

Setting boundaries disrupts unspoken family rules. In a dysfunctional family, the expectation is that secrets are kept, even when they are harmful. Emotions are often dismissed and overlooked. Communication is unclear or nonexistent altogether. Reality is denied or rewritten to preserve the comfort of denial. Individual growth is often viewed as a critique of the family system. Bowen family systems theory describes “emotional cutoff” as a survival strategy, distancing from family to reduce anxiety when the relationship feels emotionally overwhelming (Bowen, Family Therapy in Clinical Practice). 

So what does that mean for the adult child when the mask of denial no longer fits? What happens when the family realizes the adult child is no longer wearing the mask? 

In many families, adult children may find that affection and connection are withheld or used as leverage. They may experience an emotional or financial cut-off if they are perceived as non-compliant with the family's unspoken rules. Siblings may align with their parents, further isolating the adult child from their parents. 

Attempts to guilt the adult child may surface. They may begin to hear things such as 

• "You've changed." 

• "We don't even know you anymore." 

This can lead to feelings of disbelief, grief, self-doubt, shame, and isolation. Over time, it may become easier to return to old patterns.

The long-term negative consequences of dysfunction and enmeshment can lead to emotional confusion and difficulty identifying or trusting your feelings. Trauma research, including the work of Judith Herman and Dan Siegel, shows that chronic emotional threat creates hypervigilance and confusion about trusting your perceptions, especially for children raised in environments marked by instability. You may develop hypervigilance, constantly scanning for emotional shifts to avoid conflict at all costs. This can result in collapsed boundaries or intense guilt and anxiety when trying to assert your needs or say no. 

The adult child may develop a fragile sense of identity, struggling to define who they are beyond their role within the family's dysfunction. These patterns can persist and be unconsciously repeated or recreated in future relationships. Setting boundaries can feel like a sacrifice, a silent goodbye that can lead to familial estrangement.

Despite the challenges, there is always a path to healing. It involves untangling the complex web of family dysfunction and learning to live in your truth, not the truth someone else has defined for you.

Joey Cianci is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) from Stony Brook University. You can contact Joey at joey@journeyspathcounseling.com

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