The Art of Restraint: Practical Reflections On Resisting The Urge To Rescue, Fix, Or Over-Disclose

January 26, 2026

Rannon Arch, Author & Director of Co-Occurring Clinical Services, Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation 

Tom O'Connor, Publisher

Rannon Arch, a seasoned professional and trusted figure in the field, has spearheaded organization-wide change initiatives at Hazelden Betty Ford. His focus on integrating mental health services into recovery programs and on ensuring collaborative, standardized care has led to the successful launch of Co-occurring Enhanced programming regionally and to a nationwide rollout of Co-occurring Capable services.

Currently, Rannon is a licensed clinical counselor and a licensed alcohol and drug counselor, with a master's degree in addiction and mental health treatment from the Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies. Additionally, Rannon is a board-approved mental health supervisor, certified therapy dog trainer, and published researcher on college drinking behaviors and family dysfunction.

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation provides addiction treatment, mental health care, research, and reconnection to individuals, communities, and families in crisis.

According to Rannon Arch:

As new therapists, we often feel called to do more — to guide, comfort, explain, rescue. But sometimes our best work happens when we hold back. One of the most disorienting lessons for new therapists is discovering that good therapy often looks… quieter than you expected.

You come into the room ready to help — armed with skills, techniques, and a genuine desire to ease someone's pain — only to learn that the work sometimes asks you to hold back.

You'll sit through long stretches of silence and feel the itch to fill it.

You'll watch someone struggle with a realization and want to jump in with comfort, advice, or an interpretation.

You'll feel the urge to share your own story to make them feel less alone.

And yet, some of the most potent therapeutic moments come from resisting those urges. Restraint can feel counterintuitive, as if you're not doing enough, but it's often the very thing that allows your patient's voice, agency, and emotions to take center stage.

The Paradox of "Be Authentic, But Not Too Much"

Early in training, most of us hear contradictory messages:

"Be genuine, but don't overshare. Be honest, but don't say everything you're thinking. Be directive, but don't be controlling. Don't be too passive, but don't dominate the space either."

Depending on your supervisor, setting, or theoretical lens, the list of "don'ts" shifts, but the underlying directive often sounds like: "Stifle yourself."

That double-bind can feel impossible to navigate, especially for therapists who want to be warm, transparent, and helpful. However, these tensions exist for a reason: therapy requires an intentional holding back of ourselves so that the patient's material can fill the room.

The Discipline of Not Rescuing

New therapists often equate being "good" with being helpful. We want to rescue patients from silence, suffering, or confusion. But this urge can inadvertently take away the very moments that lead to insight.

In session, patients are responsible for:

• Choosing the content

• Setting the pace

• Developing insight

• Making changes

Restraint isn't about withholding care; it's about trusting the patient's capacity to engage in their own healing. You create the conditions for growth — not the growth itself.

Navigating Your Own Needs in the Room

Becoming a therapist means realizing that you bring your whole self into the room — your insecurities, your desire to be helpful, and even your need to feel competent. That's not a flaw; it's being human. However, unchecked, those needs can begin to steer the session without our noticing.

Perhaps you feel the urge to impress a patient so they'll perceive you as "good at your job."

Maybe you want to fill the silence because it feels awkward, and you want to prove you're working hard enough.

You may crave the gratitude that comes with giving the perfect insight or intervention.

All of those are normal impulses, especially early in your career. The work is not to shame yourself for having them, but to notice them in real time. When you can pause and think, "Ah, that's my urge to fix or to be liked," you create a little space between the feeling and your action. That's the restraint that protects the patient's space.

This is what seasoned therapists mean when they talk about "owning your stuff." By dispassionately acknowledging your needs — attention, affirmation, control — you keep them from leaking into the work. You don't have to push those feelings away or pretend they aren't there; you just don't let them drive the session.

In that way, restraint becomes less about denying yourself and more about making room for the patient.

Practical Tips for Practicing Restraint

For new clinicians, these principles can help:

• Pause Before You Speak: Count to three after a patient finishes talking. The silence often invites more from them.

• Follow Their Lead: Let their language, not yours, guide the next question.

• Notice the Rescue Urge: When you feel the pull to jump in, name it internally — "That's my urge to fix" — and let it pass.

• Stay Present, Not Passive: Restraint doesn't mean disengagement. Offer eye contact, warmth, and curiosity even in silence.

• Reflect, Don't Direct (At First): Paraphrasing their words can feel surprisingly powerful without steering the ship.

*You might also like this post by Joshua Bennett Johnson

The Payoff of Holding Back

Therapists who develop the skill of restraint often find their sessions become deeper, less rushed, and more authentic. Patients build resilience when they're not rescued from every pause or feeling. Paradoxically, by doing less, you invite more — more self-discovery, more responsibility, and more genuine connection.

Restraint isn't a rule to follow; it's a clinical posture to practice. The longer you're in this work, the more you'll see that your presence often matters more than your interventions.

Your restraint — patient, grounded, and attuned — can be the very thing that lets a patient's truth emerge.

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For more information, Rannon Arch can be reached at arch.rannon@gmail.com and

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation at https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org

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