My Crusade To Save Lives

October 27, 2025

Patty Born, Author & Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner

Reviewed by Belinda Morey, Subject Matter Expert

Facing the loss of a loved one is always difficult, but losing someone to suicide can add another level of pain to your grief. The shock and anguish following a suicide can seem overwhelming. As well as mourning your loved one's passing, you're likely also wrestling with a host of conflicting emotions and struggling to come to terms with the nature of their death.

Author Patty Born is a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, Licensed Massage Therapist, Certified Educator of Infant Massage, Master Life Coach, mother of four children, mental health advocate, and aspiring public speaker who lives in Arizona.

According to Patty Born, being a grief expert is not what I wanted to be when I grew up. However, I always dreamt of helping others. By pursuing mental health, I thought I would be able to help my son face his anxiety, depression, and autism.  

My ex-husband and my son died by suicide years apart. 

These two tragedies significantly altered the course of my life. No one should ever have to endure this pain. But I'm turning my tears into triumph while honoring the lives of two wonderful men gone way too soon.

Discussing death and grief with my surviving children wasn't easy. 

When Charlie died, our children were 18, 10, and 7. Having to tell them that their father was dead was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I was direct when I told my daughter, who was 18, that her father died by suicide.

Telling my 10-year-old and 7-year-old boys was harder. Much of what was said was a blur, but I remember being deliberate about my words. I didn't use the word "suicide" or describe how he took his life.

I didn't say anything that was beyond their level of understanding, and I didn't use medical jargon that would leave them with more questions than answers. Surprisingly, my kids asked more complex questions, and I had to remind myself to answer only what was being asked.

As they got older, they asked more specific follow-up questions. When my boys became adults, we discussed all the details openly and honestly. No discussion was off-limits in our house.

Having these difficult discussions can help children express their feelings and create a springboard for discussing other sensitive topics later.

Unfortunately, I had to have another family discussion about death in June 2024 when my father died unexpectedly. Three months later, my son Zachary died by suicide at the young age of 19.

It has been the worst experience to lose our beloved Zacky in the same way as his father. Despite my best efforts, I was unable to save my son. I couldn't save my surviving children from another devastating loss. But I could try to help them through the pain.

Charles Andrew Born

Charlie, my ex-husband, was a former U.S. Marine who worked at the Pentagon and spent time in Okinawa. He completed Boot Camp in Camp Lejeune, N.C., and was stationed in Camp Pendleton, CA. Charlie battled with his mental health and addiction starting in his teen years. He died by suicide on 9/9/12 at the age of 45, leaving behind four children.

Zachary Michael Born

Zack graduated from Edgewood High School in 2022. He was a burn survivor after a devastating house fire left him with extensive scars on 1/3 of his body, but, more importantly, psychological scars that he never fully recovered from. He was enrolled in the welding program at a local community college at the time of his death. When he obtained his driver's license shortly before his death, he opted to be an organ donor. Zack saved several lives through organ donation. He will always be our hero!

All of my personal and professional experience could not prepare me for the death of my 19-year-old son, Zachary, by suicide on 9/5/24. Grief feels like walking through wet cement with a 200-pound backpack on. Every. Single. Day. The pain is raw, the struggle is ongoing, but we continue to move forward, one step at a time. I understand the ongoing nature of grief, and I want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle.

We're getting through this grief together as a family.

Grief is an unforgiving process. It goes away for a short time, only to come back with a vengeance and set us back even further. What I've learned is that there is no way around or over grief; we can only go through it. That's where the healing is. That's where the acceptance is. And there are no shortcuts. No one is exempt from this heart-wrenching grief process.

We're all in therapy and slowly climbing out of the darkness. We're rejoining the land of the living in our ways. We continue to hope that our pain will subside a little more each day.

We think of him in all we do. Zack's death, while traumatic, has given us resilience and resolve we may not have had otherwise. He's given us the chance to live our lives with unwavering purpose.

I genuinely don't know how to keep living, but most days, I just put one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. Having to talk to patients about their mental health and/or suicide has been the most challenging task of all, since my mental health is also in question.

I have to fight for my son and others like him. I won't ever stop. I have no choice in the matter. As his mother, it is my responsibility and duty to keep fighting.

My life missions are: Honoring the lives of Charlie and Zack Born through all endeavors, exploring grief and how to approach it, and having difficult conversations about depression, anxiety, ADHD, autism, addiction, and suicide. These conversations are not easy, but they are crucial in breaking the stigma and fostering understanding about mental health. By having these conversations, we can empower ourselves and others with the knowledge and support needed to navigate these challenging issues.  

Vulnerability and Transparency

The decision to turn my pain into purpose, fear into fuel, and grief into good was a desire to pivot after the loss of my son. I have no problem being vulnerable in grief and sadness if it will help others. You see, this journey is not about me. It's about creating awareness and driving change. I have a unique story to share. My perspective is quite different. As a mental health provider and mother, I am the one who this should not happen to. I hope that others will learn from me.

---

You can reach Patty Born at https://pattyborn.com/home.

If you enjoyed this article, 

Please forward this to a friend or colleague who might benefit from it!